Telemarketers 

"zeontestpilot" (zeontestpilot) 04/03/2016 at 08:00 • Filed to: Humor

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Lately I’ve been receiving phone calls to install a home security system, but they give no company name and it sounds pretty sketchy (saying “your area” sounds really sketchy and vague). Plus, I’ve told them no many times, but they keep calling. So the other night I decided that I’m just going to give them crazy answers on why I don’t need a security system to see if I can scare them off. That or I’m going to have a lot of fun trolling them.

Now the telemarketers always ask how your day went, and it seems if you say “good” or “absolutely horrible” they respond the same way. Also, there seems to be an actual person on their side using a text to voice system, because I did trip one up once because I mumbled. But despite me saying no, they still call.

Here’s my list of crazy responses on why I don’t need their security system. Feel free to steal them for yourself.

Later I added : Does it include the sharks in a moat package? That’s a deal breaker there.

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > zeontestpilot 04/03/2016 at 08:10

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I found something similar but this is in German. A nice way to troll human telemarketers.

BvdV - The Dutch Engineer > FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem 04/03/2016 at 08:24

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Haha, I think I’m going to use this next time I have a telemarketer on the phone, my German should be good enough to translate this to Dutch.

pip bip - choose Corrour > zeontestpilot 04/03/2016 at 08:25

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do what Ted Danson did as “Becker” and blow an air horn down the line.

8)

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > BvdV - The Dutch Engineer 04/03/2016 at 08:42

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I haven’t had a chance to use the liSt so far because telemarketing is forbidden in Germany but it seems effective.

Sam > zeontestpilot 04/03/2016 at 08:53

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Ooh, I have one - tell them you’re in the President’s cabinet, so you're protected by Secret Service.

zeontestpilot > FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem 04/03/2016 at 08:55

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I'll just pronounce it to the worst of my ability, :).

zeontestpilot > Sam 04/03/2016 at 08:55

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Oh, that is a good one, lol

zeontestpilot > pip bip - choose Corrour 04/03/2016 at 08:55

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I only get the calls while in the office, lol

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > zeontestpilot 04/03/2016 at 09:08

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I get these calls all the time. And it’s always on my work phone.

zeontestpilot > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 04/03/2016 at 09:16

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I only get them on my cell. It makes me wonder what company sold them my number because I never give it out.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > zeontestpilot 04/03/2016 at 09:24

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The previous holder of my work phone number was a dumbass, so that’s probably the reason for mine. He gets a lot of collection calls.

shop-teacher > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 04/03/2016 at 09:37

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Ugh, I had a phone number once that had belonged to a dead beat before me. The collection calls were maddening. I was finally able to get them off of me, when Sears accidentally showed me their new phone number and address. I was more than happy to pass that information along.

coqui70 > zeontestpilot 04/03/2016 at 09:41

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I tell them I’m sick and tired of getting probed by aliens and want them to deploy a laser force-field around my home, and am willing to pay top dollar for it.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > shop-teacher 04/03/2016 at 09:43

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I should just give them my boss’s personal number, or at least one our least favorite project managers. Just kidding of course.

BBlades > zeontestpilot 04/03/2016 at 10:06

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I get these calls a lot. Don’t bother asking to be put on a no call list, this company has been sued a bunch of times and they just don’t care apparently. Whenever my wife gets one of these calls, I grab the phone from her mid sentence and claim to robbing the house. They never play along, unlike when I get a promotional call from Sprint. The caller is always from the Philippines, and their English is questionable. They called to offer to put a tablet on a ridiculous data plan, and then I offered to buy the caller their own tablet. She was confused but then flattered by the offer.

zeontestpilot > coqui70 04/03/2016 at 10:23

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I'll definitely ask about the moat idea now, :)

zeontestpilot > BBlades 04/03/2016 at 10:24

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I figured there went a no caller list. I just lets me play this game more often.

Funktheduck > zeontestpilot 04/03/2016 at 10:31

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I only get robo calls so I wait for the message to end and then press whatever number it tells me to to take me off the list. Lasts for a little while and then a new number with the same message calls. I got one guy who promised I’d never hear his voice again if I pressed 9. I’ve done that about 15-20 times now.

They may be computer programs calling you. They’re really good at sounding like people now. You could always try hitting on them. “Hey, you got a sexy voice. I bet you have a real pretty mouth.” You can then take that from kinda uncomfortable to weird to really inappropriate. My limited experience with people spam callers has taught me to be the most unpleasant person possible when they call. It doesn't stop them but it does delay them.

zeontestpilot > Funktheduck 04/03/2016 at 13:07

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That’s the weird thing, it sounds like a person with s wide vocal range, but it’s consistently the same story every time, so I figured it was a pre-recording.

Then I mumbled one time, and the person stopped and said something different. I said, “hello, someone there?””yes, I’m using a text to voice program.”